Many things happened in Masaku 7s-“things” that have led to discussions all week long on social media and radio. The town of Masaku has been called “Sin Bin” and “Sodom and Gomorrah” among other names to suggest hedonism.
Well, things happened on Saturday; not that I was there to witness but I heard that the smell of carnal pleasures was all over the good town of Masaku. I also heard there were no traces of alcohol in the town of Mutua once the human locusts were done. Did I also hear that several good men who couldn’t take their girlfriends to Masaku 7s were left distraught, heartbroken, crushed and grieved? Poor lads. A lot happened, and that was the curtain raiser to the main event this month: Meru 7s
I will give you 7 reasons to be at Meru 7s this weekend:
The Britons banned miraa from their island a few days ago. What that means is that we have a surplus of green leaves waiting for you. You heard how nobody slept on Saturday in Masaku? Nobody who comes to Meru 7s will even as much as wink next week. You can have limitless miraa which you can carry back home and store in your fridge next to your vegetables.
Meru is not a stone throw away from your door. Neither is it on the edge of the world. It’s a 3 hour journey from Nairobi, but that is beside the point. You will not see a more scenic journey on this country, and that’s me not exaggerating. Ask anyone who has been here and they will tell you how they feasted their eyes (damn clichés) on the changing landscapes. So don’t forget your camera, you will need to photograph rice fields, Mount Kenya and you chewing miraa like a native.
Did you hear that DJ Joe Mfalme is a homie? That guy was here a few years ago spinning his decks next to Pierra Makena, our home girl too. That’s how we roll. Parties here go down all the way to the core of the earth. What do you expect insomniacs consumed by miraa to do? Yea, we don’t consume miraa, miraa consumes us. The last time a party was here, party goers jumped so hard the earth tilted a few degrees. We are one of the reasons there is global warming, and we are not sorry for that.
For those who didn’t know, EABL has offices in Ruaraka Nairobi. What you don’t know is that EABL comes to sleep in Meru. The simple reason why Tusker FC’s homeground is that Kinoru stadium. This is a fact: Nobody has ever died from drinking illicit brew in Meru, simply because we only have one brewer: EABL. People here don’t drink like fish, they taught the fish how to drink.
MC Jesse does it on Churchill Raw. That accent he has of Nkirote talking to Kawira. At Meru 7s that accent will be all over you. You can learn it for free, that is if you don’t die of laughter while there. It sounds funnier when you’re high, I promise.
The saying goes (quick point, nobody knows where the “saying” goes; but one thing for sure is that the ”saying” began its journey in Meru when the Njuri Ncheke set the “saying” free) you haven’t seen beauty till you see Meru ladies dancing. The least I talk about ladies, the least anybody talks of “Sin Bin” and other hedonistic terms. Maybe you should come and get to see for yourself.
The simple excuse we have for coming to Meru 7s is the rugby. It’s an excuse to be honest, but a good one. There will be over 60 teams here including 16 clubs. So for you who know what a try is or a rack, 5th & 6th will be the best days of your life. Come watch the humongous men well in action live at Kinoru as they play hard while you party harder.
Did I not warn you Masaku 7s was just but a curtain raiser? It would be sad if you missed the main event, it will be so sad we will send you two wilted miraa twigs when we come back from Meru next week with a note saying “WiSH YU WerE HERre” in a drunken handwriting.