The Alphabet – Kenyan Style

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If the alphabet was to be taught Kenyan style, it would go like this:

A for Al-Shabab: Obviously nothing makes better headlines than Al-Shabab these days, especially when a few of them have bitten the bullet, literally, from our Defence chaps.

B for Bonoko: “Bonoko ni bunduki fake.” Need I say more about the most hilarious quip of the year?

C for Corruption: This has always been a favourite word to many a Kenyan. We are either fighting it, complaining about it or just being involved in it. It seems to be here to stay.

D for Drinks: Kenyans often like drinking, they usually get drunk and sometimes drinks bring death. Wait till you get to “Y”

E for Elections: With 2012 a few days away, this is a word we won’t avoid at all no matter how we try.

F for Football: A Kenyan man would marry football any day. If only…

G for Google: I had to “google” some of these things. Enough said

H for Hague: From the famous “Hague Series” featuring Ocampo (Main Actor) Ekaterina Tendafilova (The Boss) Uhuru, Muthaura, Ali, Ruto, Kosgey, Arap Sang and others… season 2 coming shortly!

I for Ideos: Just look around you, you are sure to see one. Look! …there! Yes there! See?

J for Jicho Pevu: Who knows not how this words give criminals sleepless nights. From the village hoodlums to the high, mighty and pot-bellied

K for Kenya: The greatest country on earth…mostly.

L for LOL: This abbreviation of “Laughing Out Loud” is a celeb in letter world. Comes from Twitter but works in Facebook

M for Merimela: Let me say this categorically, I don’t like this song. But Kenyans do that’s why it has featured here. (I can’t believe I wrote it!)

N for NKT! : How this letters make a sound can’t be explained by any English teacher. But Kenyans love it all the same. Nkt!

O for Ocampo: At some point, it could have been Obama; maybe next year. For now, we are engaged to the Argentine until he completes his mission…terenteren!

P for Poke: Don’t you ever do that to me on Facebook or I will PUNCH you hard!

Q for Questions: We find questions everywhere in this country. I don’t know why, do you?

R for Raila: The opinion polls suggest Kenyan mouths love the name; making it easier for the 5 year old toddlers as they learn the alphabet.

S for Sonko: Whether the MP or the rich next door neighbor, we love and hate them in equal measure.

T for Twitter: If you are not on Twitter, where the hell are you?

U for Uhuru Kenyatta: We know him because he’s the richest guy around, the son of our first president and he wants my vote to get to some house next year.

V for Vitz: Why do we love this car again?

W for Woyiee! : If ladies used this word less often, we’d have fewer suicides.

X for X: It goes like this. MATHS PAPER ONE: Question 23. Blah blah! blah! Nyef! Nyef! nywa! Find X

Y for Yokozuna: The liquid that was the grim-reaper’s favourite for a season making the President uneasy from his salubrious State House.

Z for ZZZZZ! : Don’t we just love sleep! If we could get paid for sleep, we would have millions of millionaires. (*YAWN!* I need a nap)

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