I am anti-marriage. It’s not that thing I will take to the streets to speak against; it’s just that thing I will never congratulate my friends or family on. To be honest I find weddings tragic (apart from the food and cake of course! I LOVE the cake!) Deep down, I always feel sad when the bride and groom say “I do” without someone standing up to stop the whole affair. What?! Don’t look at me like that!
I have encountered very many married people who are either miserable or bored the hell out of their lives; and each time I say, “I will never get married”, it beats me why they are shocked and act as if something must be wrong with me. Most of the time, I’m tempted to ask them, “Do you see your married life and why would I want to be like you?” (I’ve never actually said that because it’s plain malicious. But I’d like to whip it at someone someday- just to shut them up for good)
Anyway, if you wonder why some people (especially women) choose not to marry, the following six reasons might help you to stop pestering them about the issue. And if you’re anti- marriage, like me, well you can always whip out reason number one, because getting married means…
- Giving someone the leeway to infect you with diseases
I deeply fear STI’s- much thanks to Alfred Mutua’s traumatizing film, which we were forced to watch as part of sex education back in high school! The idea of falling genitalia is enough to make me insist on the abhorrent condom.
Now, there are two groups of people that have care-free sex without rubber: irresponsible people and married couples. With so much AIDS going around in marriages, it baffles me why someone would willingly hand their life over to someone else, “hoping” that the other person won’t bring a disease like AIDS to them. What kind of trust is that and where is the common sense in it? Why would you take that risk when you clearly know that AIDS is forever?
I don’t know why marriage comes with the stipulation that you must suffer the consequences of the other person’s actions (in sickness and in health) but there’s no way I’m also getting AIDS just because I love someone who was stupid enough to go look for it.
“Married couples and those in stable relationships account for the highest percentage of new HIV/Aids infections in Kenya.
Data from the National Aids Control Council shows that of the more than 90,000 new annual infections, these two types of unions account for 44 per cent, while short-term liaisons and commercial sex workers contribute about 20 and 14 per cent, respectively.”
Quoted from The Daily Nation
- Having to ask for permission
One of the perks of growing up is doing things you want to do without looking up to someone and asking “Mother may I?”
Of course in a normal marriage, there are the basic things you can do, without necessarily asking for permission e.g. watching football with your boys or going for that chama meeting. However, if you wanted to go to Zanzibar just to chill out and enjoy the beach, it’s no longer about whether you have the cash or not. You have to compare notes and see if it’s convenient for the other person. When married, you now have to answer questions like: For how long are you leaving? How can you want to stay away for two whole weeks?! And who will be cooking during that whole time?! More importantly, why have you not bought two tickets?
Being married is like becoming Siamese twins and now, the both of you have to decide where to go, together, whether you like it or not. Tell of a more inconvenient union!
- Letting your dreams and career go to waste
If you’re a woman and career is super important to you, marriage might just spell doom for your glamorous dreams. Yeah, it’s unfair but marriage really isn’t friendly to two-sided careers. One will have to fail at the expense of another- and it’s usually the woman’s. For example, even if it’s your dream come true, you can’t just up and leave for Canada where you’ve gotten that great job opening. You have to think about the kids who have just started school. And what about the other person’s job? They can’t just leave it! Or can they be convinced?
What happens in this case is that one person has to make the compromise and play their dreams small so that the other person can be comfortable and flourish. And with a world to change, a universe to explore and life-changing discoveries to be made, who wants to be tied down to a dream killing union?
- Tolerating annoying in-laws…for the rest of your life!
Like it or not, a marriage is never between just you and your spouse- unless you eloped (which is pretty exciting!) and disowned both your families (which can be super-dumb). I like the idea of eloping though. Whether it fails or works out, at least you escaped the annoying in-laws and you can always make a song out of it Elani style.
*Back to normal marriages*. Accepting to marry someone means marrying the whole family, including his favorite aunt who lectures you on how to raise your kids, or his dear mommy who wants to pop in each week and is never satisfied with how clean his son’s house is. You’re lucky if your in-laws mind their own business but we all know that a majority of in-laws are meddling bastards. Why set yourself up for such stress for the rest of your life?
- Being stuck to someone you can’t stand anymore
Feelings change all the time; and I don’t mean falling in and out of love- I don’t believe in that shit. You may love many things about someone but then, people change and what if they begin having habits which you find super-annoying? What if you can’t stand them anymore? It’s so easy having a boyfriend or girlfriend because then, you can issue ultimatums like, “If you don’t stop lying, we will break up”. And if they choose to not change, you may leave and move on to someone that better deserves you.
In a marriage however, you are stuck! Whatever shit the other person selfishly does, will somehow boil over to you too, since you are now “joined”. If the other person had ten kids scattered all over, and one day, they all showed up at your doorstep to live with their daddy, you have to be a good girl and play mommy to a whole new litter!
Why should you suffer your whole life, for someone else’s carelessness? Say “Love” and I will just die! Love is not to be confused with servitude.
- No Personal Space
Cohabiting is not for everyone. I, for one, cannot stand people’s company for too long- it annoys and irritates the hell out of me. Don’t get me wrong-I don’t hate people. I just really like to be by myself often. To be free to walk around naked in the house without caring that someone’s visitors will come around…to just bum after a day’s work and not have to do anything for anyone…or eat noodles for supper and take hours in the bathroom because I want to. I just like to be and not have to explain myself to anyone.
Back when I was toying with the idea of getting married, I used to ask questions like, “Can I have my own separate house and then have that other “married” house too?” And whichever adult I’d asked would look at me super weirdly and say how when I grow up, I will find that special someone whom I will want next to me the whole darn time- and whom I will live in the same darned place with, for the rest of our lives.
I am glad this hasn’t happened so far and I am determined that it shall never happen.
So if you’re pro-marriage and plan to take the oath, good for you and do invite me for a piece of cake (I promise I won’t stop your wedding) But if you’re unsure about the whole affair, consider the above reasons and honestly ask yourself, is marriage really going to make you a happy and productive person? If not, why bother?
Even more good reasons to never get married: