His eyes are shut tight. He’s breathing hard, fast, panting like a dog. Sweat is trickling down the sides of his face. He’s mumbling something but I can’t quite get the words. It’s about to happen. I keep stroking. His manhood gripped tightly in my hands. And finally, I feel the warm thick fluid pour into my hands.
I see his face contort into some weird expression. His body twists and convulses as he pours himself on me. It’s an ugly sight. Men really are disgusting creatures.
After a minute, his breathing goes back to normal. He lays perfectly still, the dried tears in his eyes. He holds me tightly and whispers “I love you. Don’t ever leave me”. I stare back at him blankly. It amazes me how the women of old allowed themselves to be oppressed by such weak creatures, creatures that could easily be controlled. The fire in their loins being their kryptonite.
I hate being touched. I wriggle out of his embrace, pick up my bag and tell him I have to be somewhere quick.
Growing up in a Christian family teaches you to be submissive. At least that’s what everyone expects from you. You’re taught that a woman should teach herself the ways of the Lord. You should be pure. Never ask questions. Walk in the light. Become a “Proverbs 31” woman. You’re taught to be like Ruth, Sarah and Naomi. You are supposed to be hardworking, to till your family’s land and be a woman a woman of virtue. . And the reward for all this? Well, a prick gets to marry you, give you a title and make you bear his children. And if God forbid you happen not to bear children, you’re called cursed. A cursed barren vessel…what good is a fig tree that does not bear fruits?
A woman should keep herself pure for her husband. She must never look at any other man. She is her husband’s property…
I was always sceptical about these teachings. This was not the woman I wanted to become. Besides, the amount of work one had to input to become this “Proverbs 31 woman” wasn’t directly proportional to the returns on investment. There was nothing in it for me.
“Behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it done to me according to your word”. Mary, the mother of Christ. A symbol of total submission and purity.
“You should be like the virgin Mary. Look up to her. Ask her to give you the grace to live a pure life as she did”
But no, I was not and never desired to be Mary. That is not the life for me. Maybe Esther, a little bit.
See, I am a woman. A woman reading from a different book. A woman who desires to find her own way, a woman liberated from the shackles of a male-dominated society. My priorities are twisted really. No one will ever understand why I am the way I am. I seek no validation either.
I am a woman who chose not to be touched unless I say so. I choose whom not to give or not give my body. I am a woman unfazed by what people have to say about me. I desire the freedom to swim in the pools of my carnal desires and have them satisfied, however and whenever I want.
I have always hated stereotypes. I loathe people having control over my life; so I chose to take the steering wheel myself. They said I was headed towards a path of self-destruction and destitute. That I would never be happy; just an empty, bitter soul. That I was cursed, Lucifer’s daughter… But I’ve never been happier, I’ve never felt so powerful as when I have a man wrapped between my little finger. A man at my every beck and call; a dog to its master.
And once I tire and he no longer makes me happy, I show him the door. One must never become too sentimental or attached to the things of this world. Just as they come, they must leave at some point. “Everything under the sun is meaningless.”
The secret to power knows when to pick some things up and when to let them go…I have quite mastered the art. With each day comes a new lesson.
You have to create the game and make the rules. That’s the only way you are assured of winning. The ball is in my court, I’m in total control. I’ve never felt so strong, so powerful.
I am a woman. A woman reading from a different script; they think I am lost, but I have never felt such clarity of purpose. My femininity is my source of strength, my power.
I am that woman that looks up to Catherine the Great; an enlightened woman, a powerful woman; woman that is not bothered with dancing to the tune and rhythm floated by the society. Is shall bid my own pipers; I shall make my own music and dance to it.
I read from the gospel of the great women before me, the Delilah’s, Cleopatra’s and Marilyn Monroe’s that were shunned upon by the society. Let them call me a Temptress, Lucifer’s daughter all they want. I shall still conquer
“If you have a vagina, you can rule the world”- Anon
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